OK, just so anyone that might read my blog might understand what I'm going through at this time, I'll elaborate a little on the two line post I did earlier. For the sake of all involved, I'm going to change people's names to keep from hurting someone.
Over a year ago, I met this gal (lets call her... Anna, that's a good enough name). At the time, she was seeing someone, but she was nice and we got to know each other through conversations and hanging out a bit. As time went on, I found that while her and I held different views on things, I couldn't get past the fact that I was drawn to her. Around mid to late summer last year, her and her s.o. (who also is a friend of mine) broke up.
Two factors at this point came into play: my lack of courage, and ill-luck of not having any time.
On the courage front, those that know me, know that I've been engaged in the past and that the relationship with my ex-fiancé ended very badly. So badly in fact, that it shrunk my courage in the department of asking gals out down to almost nothing.
Additionally, as ill-luck had it, I didn't get a chance to talk to her as much at that time since I was switching jobs and started working at a job that demanded more of my time. During this, her and I drifted apart, just due to not getting a chance to talk nor spend time around each other.
Fast forward to a month or so ago, and her and I get to spend more time together due to commitments in the outside activities that her and I share as a common past time. During this, I rediscover that I still carried the feelings that I had inside, and in many ways, they were stronger than before due to well, no better way to say it than "distance can make the heart grow fonder."
During this, however, I got a few small hints that she was seeing someone. I thought they were joking.
I was wrong.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go over to her apartment to see a movie together (as had been planned last week.) However, at this point, I'm not sure I should. I don't think I can change my view of her from "I love you" to "we're good friends" without some time apart again. I know it's bad form to be jealous, but dammit I am and will likely continue to be for a while. And I really don't want to be since if it makes Anna happy that she's with her new s.o., then I should be happy for her too.
Now you, dear reader, can better understand why I say: The Dream is Over.
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